February 2012
25 posts
10 tags
What I want to say to him
I want you here more than anything, just to be able to look at you, and feel you close. I don’t care how cliche that sounds its true. I think about you all the time, legit.. And I’m afraid of how I feel .. Why? Who knows. But I just want to make things right for once and be honest with some I like than lie to someone I settled for.
5 tags
So he texted me first.
Yeah, he texted me today, basically because he wanted to hang out which is awesome but last minute:/ and I was working so that didn’t work out.
13 tags
Older Men
I think I am going to go out on a date with this guy except he is double my age.. it wouldn’t be anything serious because of the kind of person he is but I think he could be a lot of fun.. It would hopefully just be mass amounts of good sex and smoking the greens. It would be a different kind of relationship for me which could be awesome.. you know what I will make him my summer...
4 tags
I am pleased.
I finally got my period today which is fantastic news for me. Not something I normally care for but this is good news :)
Test Results.
So the pee stick said negative but I am not too confident in it.. I am just always regular and it doesn’t make sense for me to just miss two periods. Maybe something else is going on so I decided FOR REAL, I am going to go see a doctor. I have never been to a doctors by myself D: Although he did say if I need anything let him know.. but it might be awkward asking him to come with me, at...
Sickness
So after going a good week without feeling sick it’s back. I don’t eat I’m sick, I eat I’m sick. I just wish it would go away.. I am so worried about tonight, I probably talking the test tonight, He said he’d like I get it done and know.. Which is fair. It is actually nice knowing someone is there for you.
I keeping thinking about why to do if I am expecting… I...
8 tags
So we talked last night.
So my conversation with him last was actually kind of helpful beyond the fact why he started talking to me after the work party.. that I don’t fully get but he said it was the right thing so I will drop it. He thought I wasn’t interested, and that he is not a fan that I am not straight forward with things.. but how can he expect me to be straightforward and honest with no reason to...
4 tags
That was very enlightening actually. It was kind of nice. Maybe we can be normalish together. Because man, I adore you.
Time to go back to not giving a fuck. Or trying to.
I just texted him asking why he started talking to me again after the work party.. oh god. I regret it already. Damn you eight ball. Why am I such a fool.
Confusing is back, why must I ponder what is going on in your head. Now I am in tears, fuck, and I thought I was doing so well.
Is it fair to ask you what we are doing? What you are thinking? Why you started talking to me again?
6 tags
So like fuck, he texts me right before he starts working and then asks me to stay in newmarket longer when I already have plans. If you want to ignore me for a week like fuck am I adjusting my plans for YOU. And seriously right before we work.. Despite that this sounds ranty I’ve been doing a good job at being indifferent :)
We did talk for a bit though, but nothing of importance.. I am...
4 tags
So after work I had the oppurtunity to have sex with the old guy who I have been wanting, but I didn’t take it. I didn’t take it because I don’t want to risk any possible future with the guy I’ve been talking about.. So I didn’t have sex with him, we just chilled for a bit which was cool, but man oh mah T needs to have a talk with me soon. Speaking of him, we work...
Oh yeah, and I might buy a test today.. I don’t think I am but I failed at the last one pretty badly.. so we will see. I should probably just go see a doctor.
3 tags
Today I work, and I hope he doesn’t work today.. I don’t think he did but you never know. On a good note though the closing manager tonight is a friend of mine so I will probably spend most of the night talking to him :)
Today so far as been pretty uneventful.. besides getting ready which I am in the process of doing..
Oh, and I have to wait for a bus in this lovely cold and snow.....
5 tags
On a serious note I should see a doctor I haven’t had a proper period since November. Spotting but no legit period.. I was getting sick but not anymore.. but still no blood. So we shall see, I have no idea what to do.
6 tags
Okay, so today as been pretty great despite the fact he has been on my mind all day. I went to school, had great laughs, and had fun in most classes. Except my photography teacher who hated everything.. she says she doesn’t like generic but that’s bullshit.
I spent the night with the family, had a FANTASTIC dinner with them.. It was lovely. I miss this. I am stupid not have been...
4 tags
Today I stayed home and mopped, I’m depressed. But I am going to let you go. I’m still debating if I should talk to you.
I love you :/
9 tags
Still nothing from him.. oh well I just give up. I’d be happy as fuck buddies I suppose since he is indeed a fantastic lover. He just confuses the crap out of me. I can’t deal with this on off whatever we are doing.
On another note after not getting sick yesterday, I just got a really bad pain after eating dinner again.. Maybe I should see a doctor but I don’t really want to...
7 tags
So I texted him over an hour ago now, and no response. I am a mess. I am thinking about how I can successfully bring alcohol to school tomorrow and what I have in the house to mix it with (which is nothing :s). I wish I had never gotten a cell phone sometimes.
6 tags
Why is it when you like someone they are in your head every second, and you want to be with them all the time. I honestly have not stopped thinking about him all day, I keep thinking about when I can see him next, and what we will do together.. Maybe how I will convince my mother to let me stay the night there.. I just want to be able to go and just spend a week there with him, doing everything...
3 tags
I really wish he would just text me already.
5 tags
I am so afraid of being with someone I truly love and it makes me act crazy. I adore him so much but I don’t want to push him away, but as of yet any attempt to pull away he just pulled me back. But what if one day it comes to that point were he thinks I don’t want him? Because truth is, I want him more than anything but I just don’t want to get hurt.. and doing this is not...